I find motherhood difficult. Both of my children have challenging opposing behaviors. It isn't easy and I make it more difficult by having high parenting standards, no screen time at all, whole foods cooked at home, no junk toys that entertain. I have no family nearby to help and my husband travels for work. Silas sleeps less than 8 hours a night and is usually awake in the 4 o'clock hour. So you won't be reading posts where I wax on about motherhood being the joy of my life. There are moments, many many, moments, but not enough. Not enough for me to not wish I could go to work everyday and leave them in the care of someone else. Perhaps then they would be happy to see me.
Do bloggers with easy cooperative children know how lucky they are? I'm tired of blogging, tired of photos of baby bumps, hand crafts, children who actually are having fun. Myths are created by those who can take lovely photos. My life has wonderful aspects and I have much I would like to share but I can't capture the readers attention with my weak words and poor photography.
I've had a life long affliction with comparing myself to others and blogging has made it much worse. I wonder why my children can't be like all these beautiful, clean, happy children photographed on blogs.
And all of this is made worse by the fact that I have a very decent life, a healthy family, stable income, food, shelter and beauty in excess of most of the world. I'm ashamed of this conflict. I should be happier. So I am taking a break from blogging about my life and I am going to try really hard to refrain from peeking into the lives of others at least for a while.
I am okay. I just need to focus on what is good in my life.
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